Broken hearted...

Since the end of August Dan and I have been communicating with an expectant girl, who we totally fell in love with.  She is funny, darling, sassy, smart and all the things we hoped for in a potential birthmom.  We hoped and prayed for the best, and really wanted her to choose us to be the adoptive parents of her baby boy.  This week, we found out that she had chosen another couple to adopt her baby.  We are crushed of course, and really broken hearted at this time.  I think the thing that saddened us most of all is that she didn't tell us.  She began to limit her communication, and then really kind of stopped communicating altogether.  Then our caseworker heard from her caseworker, who then emailed us to say that she had chosen, and it wasn't us she had chosen.  I know that we would still be sad and broken hearted, but we wish she had told us herself. 

I knew adoption would be a process for us, a process that would be emotional and scary and exciting all at the same time.  And, it has been.  However, I didn't think it would play with my self-confidence, or self-worth so much.  I have to remember that the Lord has a plan for us all, and I can't let myself dwell so much on the WHYs of not being chosen...

One thing I am most especially grateful for, is our friends and family.  My co-workers have been through so much of this with me, the fertility struggles, the surgery, the hormonally crazy part, the choosing to adopt, and that whole experience of being approved and then doing our best to put our information out there to all the world that we're wanting to have a family.  I really consider us very lucky and very blessed to have such sweet, supportive, and loving friends.  They let me cry and cuss and everything in between.  I am grateful to have such a wonderful mom, who on the same day we found out we weren't chosen, had undergone surgery to remove her cancerous tumor.  She has been there for us so much, even though she is fighting her own battles.  I am thankful for such a supportive husband, that even though he doesn't react as emotionally as I do, especially when I want him to, he grieves in his way and allows me to comfort him as well as the comfort he gives me. 

I just have to keep thinking onward and upward...hoping that time will bring another miracle into our view.  Love and hugs to you all reading, thanks for your support, listening ear, and prayers--they have been so needed, and very much appreciated.